What a whirlwind the past month and a half has been for me. It's surely been a rollercoaster of experiences. I can't even begin to tackle all of my emotions on all that has happened.. so for now I am going to focus on the most recent life experience which has been the transition from being a college student, to a full time teacher.
Wake-up time: 5:45
Report to work: 7:00
Leave work: 4:00
Work on school things: All Evening
Pick up food: 6:00
Bed: 10:00 or earlier if possible
This has been a huge transition for me. I spent most of the first week and a half unhappy and miserable, as I really struggled to transition from 18 days of New STudent Orientation to full time teaching. Fact: TEACHING IS HARD. Wow, I had no idea. I like it, and I have 23 sweet little reasons to get up every morning, but it is hard work.By the time I get home in the evening all I want to do is order take-out and sit on the couch. However, there are lessons to plan, papers to grade, events to debrief. I'm beginning to wonder how I am going to do this all day every day forever (or at least the next 4 years). What I really can't fathom is how people ever do this while supporting a family. If I had to come home, cook dinner for a family, take care of children, etc. I think I would loose my mind. Maybe that is why teachers who have the option don't teach while their children are in school. Hats off to my mother who became a first year teacher in the last couple of years while my brother is still at home. At least he is a little older and can support himself in a lot of ways.
Well anyway, my 23 little 2nd grade angels are precious. Chatty, but precious. They have the perfect ability to get under my skin, but then warm my heart just a few moments later. I am truly learning a lot about what life as a teacher will be like in the future and that is what this experience is all about.
I would say that I am anxious about whether or not I will be a good teacher. I like to think I am, but I think as I am beginning to teach these children all the subjects, the pressure to be successful is getting to me. What if I'm not good? What if they don't learn what I'm teaching? That would be awful for them.. but let me be selfish for a minute and say that it would make me feel SO BAD! I think I am going to have to give up my perfectionist attitude for just a little bit, and accept that I will make mistakes and that I just need to wake up every morning and do my best. With the amount of assessments we give these days, I'll know if they aren't learning, and if that is the case, then changes can be made. I think I have effectively rambled about this for long enough now.
Bottom line:I love teaching but it is SO hard, and I'm going to need Someones strength other than my own to get through this.
