Around 11 this evening I went on a crazy cleaning spree. Everything around me felt as if it was spinning out of control and I had no control over anything. My response: CLEAN
Lately I have felt as if I can't do anything right. Every relationship. Every action. Every lack of action. Whatever it is I do or whoever it is I interact with I'm messing up in one way or another. I can look back at every friendship, every involvement in an organization, and tell you how and when I failed those people or those organizations. I know the complete feeling of inadequacy is coming from the devil, but I think hidden in there somewhere are convictions from God.
Cleaning however... I can't mess that up. All that cleaning can do is make things better. It is taking something so dirty and making it clean. That is why I turned to this simple routine chore in the middle of my emotions. I cleaned for a little over an hour fighting tears all the way through as I kept thinking of my imperfections and how badly I want to be "cleaned". How I would love to be perfect, but I know that isn't an option.
As I kept thinking about how imperfect I am and how broken things are in this world, I have never more strongly longed to be with God. How I can't wait for the day when relationships are restored, earthly pain and suffering is taken away, and we are fully reconciled with Christ.
Until then, God I just pray to be more like You. Full of more Love, more Joy, more Peace, more Patience, more Kindness, more Goodness, more Faithfulness, more Gentleness, and more Self Control.
God Clean out my heart...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
May 2nd and 3rd
Sunday was a very relaxing day at home. I went to church, and watched some tv, but nothing too incredibly special.
Yesterday was a great day because I had no class! I had breakfast with Abby and it was great to catch up on all things life with her. Then I had a glorious trip to wally world with Natalie. After a nutritious lunch I headed to Raleigh to pick Rachel up from the airport. On our way back we stopped at Southpoint and got yummy apples :)
Once arriving back at school I took a quick nap and then headed to Margarita Monday at Monterreys with Brandy and Sara. Brandy was asked out on a date by our waiter and the funniest part was that the entire interaction was in spanish! HAAAA. Brandy did a great job keeping her composure though... proud of her!
We then had an induction ceremony for an honors society where I saw more people that I thoroughly enjoy including one of my pre-school teachers!! Afterward Tennis House took a trip to the gym. After some time on the treadmill I may have accidentally dropped the exercise ball on Natalie's face. SO SORRY NAT! I'm incredibly thankful that she didn't wake up with a black and blue eye this morning.
All of yesterday was wonderful because I spent it with my favorite people. I hope the days keep happening like that :)
LOVE.
Yesterday was a great day because I had no class! I had breakfast with Abby and it was great to catch up on all things life with her. Then I had a glorious trip to wally world with Natalie. After a nutritious lunch I headed to Raleigh to pick Rachel up from the airport. On our way back we stopped at Southpoint and got yummy apples :)
Once arriving back at school I took a quick nap and then headed to Margarita Monday at Monterreys with Brandy and Sara. Brandy was asked out on a date by our waiter and the funniest part was that the entire interaction was in spanish! HAAAA. Brandy did a great job keeping her composure though... proud of her!
We then had an induction ceremony for an honors society where I saw more people that I thoroughly enjoy including one of my pre-school teachers!! Afterward Tennis House took a trip to the gym. After some time on the treadmill I may have accidentally dropped the exercise ball on Natalie's face. SO SORRY NAT! I'm incredibly thankful that she didn't wake up with a black and blue eye this morning.
All of yesterday was wonderful because I spent it with my favorite people. I hope the days keep happening like that :)
LOVE.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
May 1- May Flowers
Many things about May are wonderful... one of which being the flowers that supposedly come after a month of rain. For me May holds the end of an amazing journey and the beginning of a new one. In 3 weeks from today I will graduate from college and officially enter adulthood. This truth has been brutally apparent today as the calendar turned from April to May and as I purchased a dress for the graduation festivities.
With the few short days that are left in college, I want to take advantage of every precious moment I am given. I want to ensure I am spending quality time with the people I care about the most, and doing things that bring joy and happiness.
I'm going to do my best to record these events on my blog. I want to remember what the end of a great 4 years was like. Today has been a great beginning to this month of excitement. Brandy and Sara and I spent the day gallivanting around Greensboro. We ate lunch, I had my first ever double cheeseburger, and then shopped around the mall. We spent the first hour or so playing with puppies at the pet store! Puppies are incredibly good for the soul. I was convinced we were going to walk out of that store with a dog. Then the girls got pedicures while I searched for a graduation dress. I purchased two dresses that I really liked because I couldn't make a decision. Hopefully I'll pick one soon so I can return the losing candidate and have the money charged back to my card. We then sat in line for a second failed attempt at seeing the musical on campus. I just reheated left over Tokyo and finished a book I have been reading for about a week. In about an hour or so we will be heading out for drinks with another friend to celebrate her 22nd birthday. Doesn't that sound like a great day?
I hope that the rest of these May days I have at Elon are as wonderful as today.
With the few short days that are left in college, I want to take advantage of every precious moment I am given. I want to ensure I am spending quality time with the people I care about the most, and doing things that bring joy and happiness.
I'm going to do my best to record these events on my blog. I want to remember what the end of a great 4 years was like. Today has been a great beginning to this month of excitement. Brandy and Sara and I spent the day gallivanting around Greensboro. We ate lunch, I had my first ever double cheeseburger, and then shopped around the mall. We spent the first hour or so playing with puppies at the pet store! Puppies are incredibly good for the soul. I was convinced we were going to walk out of that store with a dog. Then the girls got pedicures while I searched for a graduation dress. I purchased two dresses that I really liked because I couldn't make a decision. Hopefully I'll pick one soon so I can return the losing candidate and have the money charged back to my card. We then sat in line for a second failed attempt at seeing the musical on campus. I just reheated left over Tokyo and finished a book I have been reading for about a week. In about an hour or so we will be heading out for drinks with another friend to celebrate her 22nd birthday. Doesn't that sound like a great day?
I hope that the rest of these May days I have at Elon are as wonderful as today.
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