August 19, 2010 I started my first job as a "grownup". I had just moved to Raleigh and on the 19th 25 6 and 7 year olds walked into MY classroom. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. Throughout the next 9 1/2 months, I experienced stress and sadness, anxiety and failures that surpassed anything I had ever experienced before. This led me to pick up LOTS of fast food and eat LOTS of junk food whenever I arrived home from work.
This caused an unwanted effect of a 15 pound weight gain since August. I have more or less ignored it because food has been my comfort throughout this journey. How could I part with the thing that has most comforted me over the past year.
However, a few weeks ago I made a decision to take back control of my life. I registered for weight watchers one Saturday morning about 3 weeks back. The following Wednesday I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting at a local church. To be honest I stood outside of the meeting door for a solid 15 minutes before convincing myself to go inside.
I finally put one foot in front of the other and walked into the room. The next week was almost "fun". It was an adventure to figure out what I could eat for how many points, and it was almost like a game! Then I was excited to find out I had lost weight. The second week became even harder, and there were definitely some "slips" but I still lost in week 2!
This coming up Wednesday will be my third week in the program and I am sincerely worried that I will not have lost any weight. Over the weekend I threw the program out the window and didn't count points. I ate whatever and really reverted to some of my old ways. Eating without thinking, eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and then feeling rotten about it later.
Today I have spent more time worrying about the "mistakes" of this weekend than I have spent doing anything else.
Weight Loss. I HATE IT. I wish I had one of those little bodies that allowed me to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. However that is unfortunately not the way I was made.
I hate eating smart ones meals when I'm craving fried chick-fil-a. I hate eating healthy cereal for breakfast when I want pop-tarts. However, as much as I hate weight loss... I do like seeing my body return to the way it used to be.
As of today I was ready to quit but have spent a lot of time thinking and am going to go back to the meeting on Wednesday. As much as I hate weight loss I like gaining control of my life so much more.
Here's to one more week...
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