Takeout for One

Lately I have had this overwhelming feeling that this life in Raleigh is just a dream ( and not necessarily a good one either ). When I am here, at work mostly, it just seems like a temporary assignment that I just need to make it through.

When I go home to either High Point or Elon things seem so right, so comfortable, so happy. Then reality sets in and I realize I have to return to my grown up life. When I hang up on the phone with my best friends, or my parents, I often find myself in tears. I don't think they have any idea how much I miss them. This probably explains why I have spent so much of my time recently with these people.

The thing about all of this however is that I LOVE the new people I have met here. Let me state that loud and clear. I LOVE my new friends here. My friends at work are great. They are genuine, supportive, and all around amazing people. I love working with them, and even more enjoy getting to know them outside of work. Without them I would have legitimately lost my sanity by now.

I think grown up life and friendships are just different than college life and friendships or high school life and friendships. If I am honest with myself ( even though I claim to love living alone... which I really do) I am lonely. Every time I pick up my takeout for one I am reminded of this fact. Tonight was no different, I was on the phone with someone who was on her way into a fun evening, while I was on my way to my apartment to eat my takeout for one by myself. Granted I am utterly exhausted and don't have much of a desire to do anything, but still it feels lonely. The tears came.

The tears are a common occurrence in my world these days. Sometimes the tears are completely unnecessary. Let's recount the tears this week.
Sunday: Saying goodbye to the roomies. Sobbed.
Monday: I think this day was tear free
Tuesday: Cried saying goodbye to Jonesy (Moving to NYC)
Wednesday: Cried at work when half my class showed up dressed for wacky tacky day on the wrong day... my fault.
Thursday: No tears
Friday: Tears during professional development. Tears during our team meeting. Tears after the conversation mentioned earlier.

Too many tears. Too. Many. Tears.

I've been sitting here for far too long now trying to figure out how I want to end this post. I've been trying to think of what positive way I could end this rather depressing sounding entry.

I'm drawing a blank. So I guess this will just be the end. My stomach is full from my takeout for one and it looks like I might be in bed before 8 pm this evening. I'm exhausted. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow with a refreshed attitude.