"Let the weak be strong... let the right be wrong.. roll the stone away... let the guilty play... its independence day!"
I have listened to this song by Martina McBride on repeat all day long. Happy 4th of July.
So last night after Rachel and I talked about having our faith be a part of our lives. I woke up this morning and acted horribly towards my parents. I was in a bad mood b/c I was totally anxious about getting city meet entries in by 1. I was stressed b/c a major player on our team wanted to change events, but I didn't know how to do that effectively. Basically, it was stupid, and I shouldn't have been stressed but that is just how I am! I was not pleasant towards my parents and I felt so horrible afterwards. I need to work on controlling my attitudes and my moods. My parents did nothing to deserve my wrath. That is just my typical response to anxiety. Boo. Need to work on that.
After I anxiously submitted the entries... I headed off to shop with Baby Mock. Lauren, her boot, and I went to Four Seasons for a little retail therapy. I bought a cute pink shirt, a blue dress, and some earrings. Great purchases.
Afterwards I came home and grilled out with Marla, Tim, Zach and the family. Lovely evening which ended with fireworks and cobbler. Now I'm snuggled up in my bed, exactly where I want to be by 11:30 at night.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to face a fear. I'm not sure where my deep seeded fear of dating comes from... but I think its from consistent failed relationships from the past. I have learned how to be single, and disappointed with boys, so I'm terrified to even give one a chance. I can go to lunch with a girl friend any day of the week and carry on a conversation about anything.. but put me with a boy and my nerves about eat my alive. AH It will be interesting to see if I blog tomorrow before or after this possible event. Dinner with a friend... a friend thats a boy (man). I just wish there was no pressure, and we were just that.. friends... but unfortunately that's not the case.
My insides are going CRAZY right now. This young man just asked me if it is true that I like him. I told him that I think he is cute and nice.. but I have to get to know him more to determine if I like him! Freaking out...yup that's what I'm doing. I wish I was 15.. where deciding to date a boy meant seeing each other at school and sitting on each others couches watching movies. Dating in your twenties means.. well maybe we are on the road towards marriage.
Well this is a bunch of pointless rambling, so i'm signing off thankful for all that I have and thinking I may just be single forever.
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